Your friendly neighborhood author, checking in
Beloveds,
How on earth have you been? If you are well, I’m so grateful; if you are poorly, I extend my heartfelt sympathy; if you swing wildly to both extremes with no warning until you feel like you’re on one of those pirate ships in your local amusement park and you want to empty your stomach onto the nearest passenger, welcome! We’re all mad here.
It’s 2024. I almost wrote “1924” because I’m losing my mind, but that’s a bunch of baloney. Also, you’re the bee’s knees, babies.
It’s the time of resolutions and resolve, and it seems like every periodical and website is making lists of ins and outs for the new year. “In: Maximalism, Out: Minimalism” or “Out: cottage cheese, In: labneh”.
(Labneh, by the by, is a thick cheese made from goat’s milk that is tangier than cottage cheese with a thick texture like cream cheese. I had to look it up. You’re welcome.)
Since I’m obviously the authority on All Things Relevant, I have compiled my own list of some things that are “in” and some things that are “out” for 2024.
Out: perfection
In: grace
Out: fake nails that endanger small children
In: stubby fingers that make it easier to type
Out: white interiors
In: crazy wallpaper
Out: Roman Empire
In: Mesopotamian Empire
Out: toilet papers
In: bidets
Out: crying in closets
In: sitting in patches of sunlight
Out: the sacrifice of books at the altar of moviemaking
In: movies that follow their book namesakes with accuracy and respect for the original author
Out: alcohol
In: rainwater from tiny acorn cups
Out: white bread
In: Lembas
Out: being confined to a decaying mortal flesh prison
In: transcending the gossamer veil of this mortal coil to tread the infinite wonders of the cosmos
So there you have it. Totally reasonable. Go, and sin no more.
“Isn’t she an author?” you may be thinking. “Why is she rambling on and on about idiotic stuff?”
Well, wonder no more my friends. Here’s the latest, in small, digestible words:
- I finished my novel The Oracle’s Choice. Now to revise and edit. Should be ready for publication sometime in 2054. Just kidding. Hopefully by the end of this year! Get your extremities tingling now, to save time.
- A novel I wrote two summers ago is ready for self-publication but is right now in limbo due to the interest of an agent. More on that later as I clench my jaw to keep from shrieking in hope and fear, simultaneously.
- 2024 will be the year I work on, and hopefully finish, my family saga, based loosely on the activities of my father’s family in the early 1900’s. Working title: Such is Life. It’s going to take a lot of research, so pray for me. Stephen King has employees who research for him, can you believe that? What a jerk.
- I won another poetry award from Writer’s Digest! I came in 10th out of 950 entrants. The winning entry, should you wish to read it, is posted here: Poetry – JWRose
That’s it for now, my friends. Thank you, as ever, for your support, whether signing up for my newsletter, visiting my website, buying my books, reviewing them (5 stars preferable, just sayin’), or simply cheering from the sidelines. I appreciate you more than you could know.
I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener,
J.W. Rose